


Happiness never lasts

by SunshineBoy_Felix



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan is a Good Friend, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depressed Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Depressing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support Bang Chan, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Jisung is only mentioned tho, Lee Felix is a sweetheart, Lee Felix-centric (Stray Kids), M/M, Makes everything better, Other, Platonic Relationships, References to Depression, Sad Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Sad and Happy, Shy Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Suicidal Thoughts, Supportive Bang Chan, Sweet Bang Chan, Why isn't that a tag?, but not really, slight - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:26:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29964963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineBoy_Felix/pseuds/SunshineBoy_Felix
Summary: Felix tried so hard to be okay. Tried so hard to put on a smile and go about his day. But sometimes the smile would melt away and he would begin to fray. And it was in those moments that Felix knew, that Chan would always stay.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56





	Happiness never lasts

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Welcome back!
> 
> Uhmm… So this is a little different from what I usually write, but I really wanted to not only try something new but also to get my feelings out. Btw, I was high on negative emotions while writing this, so please be nice!
> 
> As for the requests I received a little while ago~ I am currently working on them, but it may still be a while before I get them done and uploaded since life has been hectic. Hope you understand!
> 
> TW: Depression, slight suicidal and self-deprecating thoughts, intrusive thoughts. 
> 
> Please pay attention to the trigger warnings and tags!
> 
> If I missed anything please let me know!!

Felix wasn’t sure he could put how he felt into words even if he wanted to. They were confusing, even for him, and he was the one experiencing them. 

He had been feeling good the past few weeks. Happy even. Things had been going well. Awards flying in left and right. Praise from their sunbaes and fans. And they had managed to avoid the virus. All in all, things had been going smoothly. But he should’ve known things would go wrong at some point. After all, happiness never lasts.

-

Felix had woken up to the faint sound of chatter coming from down the hall in the kitchen. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel the sunshine through the curtains in his shared room. Judging by the position of the sun, he would say it was around noon. 

Not that it mattered. 

He wasn’t sure he could get up and out of bed, even if he tried. His body felt like it was made of lead, making his body sink into the soft covers underneath him. Head empty aside from the thoughts that never seem to leave him alone. Thoughts about failure. About death. About how pathetic he was for not being able to get out of bed. 

The urge to cry suddenly became overwhelmingly prominent, causing a few tears to form in his eyelashes and roll down his cheeks and onto the pillow cushioning his head.

He didn’t know what people saw in him. What STAY or even the members saw in him that could be good enough. Good enough to be worthy of their time, love, and care. As far as he was concerned, he wasn’t more than a disappointment. A burden to all the people around him. A waste of space and air that nobody would miss, should he disappear. 

Those kinds of thoughts weren’t unfamiliar to him at all. He had given up on trying to get them to stay away a long time ago. He had tried thinking positively, but the voices always found a way to speak louder than the positive thoughts. He had a battle with his mind every single day trying to get the voices to quiet down, and most of the time it worked. But today he wasn’t so lucky. 

He was tired. So very tired. Like a deep exhaustion settling heavily in the middle of his chest, clutching his lungs in an iron-like grip, making it hard for him to breathe. 

He couldn’t move. He felt paralyzed. His arms and legs tingling. Even his eyes were weighed down, unable to open even the slightest bit. He just laid there on his back, covers drawn up to his chin as he fisted the material in his already white knuckles. 

Suddenly, he heard the door creak, signaling the arrival of another person. As the door closed softly behind the intruder, a gust of air coming from the kitchen passed his nose. He could smell waffles and different kinds of meat. 

He felt nauseous. 

Soft socked footsteps could be heard making their way over to the bed Felix was laying on. Felix tried to regulate his breathing and act as if he was asleep, not really having the emotional strength to face, nor speak to any of his members. 

The person stopped beside his bed and it took all Felix had not to squirm under their sharp and attentive gaze. Just as Felix thought the person was about to finally go and leave him alone, he heard a sigh coming from beside him before the quiet sound of joints cracking met his ears as the person crouched down beside his bed. 

“I know you’re awake, Felix.” 

Felix tensed at the sound of his eldest hyung’s voice. 

Chan sighed again and Felix couldn’t tell if the leader was exasperated or concerned. Probably a mix of both. 

He felt a pair of hands being placed on top of his stiff ones, rubbing the back of them soothingly with a thumb. After a few moments, Chan carefully pulled them apart and clasped the younger’s smaller hands in each of his own much bigger ones. 

Felix relaxed a little into his covers, letting the tension in his hands and arms bleed out and fade away by Chan’s gentle ministrations. 

“Can you open your eyes for me, Pixie?” Chan asked in a whisper after a few moments of silence and quiet breathing. 

Felix hesitated for a split second before he opened his eyes, only to immediately squeeze them shut again and groan when his eyes were assaulted with light. Slowly, he tried opening his eyes again, this time managing to open them all the way. He took in the white ceiling that was bathed in sunlight and a little spiderweb that floated in a long string above him. The freckled boy turned his head to the side and instantly locked gazes with Chan. The older looked at him with such compassion and concern it forced Felix to look away. Chan’s hand shot out and cupped one side of Felix’s face, gently moving his head until they were looking at each other again

A comforting smile slipped onto Chan’s face when he managed to look the younger in the eyes. 

Felix didn’t know why, but he suddenly burst into tears. Stress and worries poured out of him in the shape of sobs and tears. Chan didn’t seem affected by the sudden tears, it almost seemed like he expected it. 

Getting up from his crouched position beside the bed, he moved to sit on the edge of the bed beside the younger’s shins. He pulled him into an upright position by the shoulders, praising him gently all the while. When the freckled boy was upright, he immediately slumped forward to put his head into his leader’s neck, picking up on the faint smell of Chan’s favorite cologne. Being in Chan’s arms felt like cuddling up under the covers with a cup of warm cocoa after a long day. It was filled with warmth, love, and security.

It felt safe.

Chan kissed him tenderly on the top of his head before placing his chin on the same spot. The older could feel his t-shirt slowly getting wet with tears, but he honestly couldn’t care less. The only thing on his mind at that moment was to just be there for Felix. He hated seeing his beloved little brother so broken and fragile.

They sat there for a while with Chan rubbing the other’s back and rocking them slowly from side to side.

Chan could feel the presence of one of the members behind him and glanced over his shoulder to see Jisung standing in the doorway with a concerned and sympathetic look on his face. Chan smiled at him reassuringly, nodding to him as if telling him; I’ve got this. Don’t worry. He’ll be okay.

The message obviously came across as the squirrel-like boy nodded and turned around to leave again, closing the door gently behind him with a soft click.

Turning his attention back to the now still lump in his arms, he noticed how the younger wasn’t crying anymore, only sniffling every now and then. He slowly pulled away to look the other in the eye.

“Do you want to talk about it, Sweetie?” Chan asked carefully, not wanting to rush the other.

Felix stilled for a moment before hesitantly nodding his head. He leaned back into Chan’s embrace to gather his thoughts before he began to talk.

“I-I just, I just feel so…. numb all of the time. And I don’t really know why. I try to be happy, I really do! It’s just really difficult when I feel so freaking worthless all of the time.” Felix tried to explain.

Chan nodded to show he was listening. Felix then proceeded to tell him about his depressing thoughts and how he didn’t think he deserved to live. And just held him through it, shushing him when he got worked up.

“Thank you for telling me, Pixie. You were really brave.” Chan praised after Felix was done talking. Felix just snuggled a little closer to Chan. 

Chan hugged Felix as tightly as he could, rocking them both from side to side, all the while humming a song he couldn’t remember the title of. Felix felt relieved after getting it all off of his chest. 

At first, he had been scared the older would laugh at him and leave or tell him he was overreacting, but then he remembered. This was Chan. Bang Chan. His beloved leader and amazing big brother that would never even think of hurting him nor leaving him. 

He loved his brother with all of his life, and it was in these moments that Felix knew, that Chan would always stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! See you’ve made it this far. I’m sorry the ending was bad. I know…
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment or kudos, I would really appreciate it and it motivates me to keep writing!
> 
> Btw, I just wanted you to know that you are valid. You are beautiful. You are enough! I love you💕
> 
> All the love and hugs,  
> ~ Sunshine✨


End file.
